Always lock the bathroom door

Reason #2 Your life is better than mine

For those of you that have kids, you know that they are the greatest blessing that you could ever hope for. They can also be a tremendous pain in the neck. Reason #2 that your life is better than mine is a prime example of just what a pain kids can be.

Last summer my kids and I were visiting my parents at their home. We did the typical dinner and games around the table, nothing terrible exciting. My middle child, Tyler, (14 years old) decided that since I would not give in to his demands and let us leave, that he would mess with me non-stop. I sought refuge in the one place I thought even he wouldn't dare follow. The bathroom.

I went to the restroom to get away from Tyler and to take care of lunch. My mistake was not locking the door. A few minute after "sitting down" the door burst open and in came Tyler. I was trapped in a tiny bathroom, stuck on the throne. Tyler proceeded to turn away from me, drop his drawers and stick his pale rear end in my face in an attempt to fart on me..

Enough was enough, I got mad, curled up my fist and punched his butt as hard as I could. A little too hard unfortunately. The force of my blow caused his bowels to release and he covered my arm and part of my bare leg with a warm blast of poo. The combination of the sight and smell of poo on my bare skin coupled with the sheer shock of the moment, caused me to throw up. I managed to turn my head and puke in the bathtub next to me. The sight of me covered in poo, puking made Tyler sick and he puked on me. So there I sit, drenched in a quagmire of body waste. Not exactly the way I wanted to end a nice visit with my parents.

So, unless you can say that you have been  crapped and puked on by a 14 year old boy while stranded on the toilet, I say to you, Your Life is Definitely Better Than Mine!