So, it appears I have hit a theme for my last two posts. In reading my last post I see that I rambled on about my bad luck in the dating world. I am sad to report that nothing has changed since that post. In fact it may have gone from crappy to down right pitiful. Please allow me to elaborate.
After the last fiasco I decided I would give another go at the wonderful world of online dating. After chatting with several women in the area I finally found one that seemed interested in meeting me and that certainly caught my eye as well. After a few emails, the new woman, who we will call "Alice" and I decided to meet. We made a date for burgers and a beer at the Burger Stand. Turned out to be a really nice night. we hit it off. "Alice" was attractive, funny and easy to talk to. The downside is that the day before the date, "Alice" was laid off from her job. Added stress.
We are now four weeks in and the wheels are starting to come off the cart. Pressure from the job search and possible move have caused "Alice" to worry about us. On the night of one of our schedule dates, I texted her to see what time to come over. No big deal, got a reply that she needed more time. Texted her again and told her to let me know when she was ready. Another text response giving me some options for the night wondering what I would prefer. I answered via text. Here is where the crazy started breaking through. I was chastised for rexting instead of calling, apparently it was rude and was making her later because she had to stop what she was doing to respond. Then, I got lectured for making a "unilateral decision on what we were doing for the night" instead of asking her feelings. Yeah.
Needless to say we had no date that night. Or ever again, or so I thought. Two days later I got several texts telling me how sorry she was for pushing me away, being mean etc. "Alice" explained that she realized she was trying to dump me before she moved and ended up getting hurt later. I forgave her and we agreed on giving it another try.
Fast forward 8 days to our next date. We decided to go play pool and have some drinks. Then I was going to driver her to Wal-Mart to get some things before the big storm hit. I picked her up and out we went. The night was going great, we played pool, threw some darts, there was some flirting etc. We split a burger and fries. Man, things were going great. Then I noticed she was getting a little bit mouthy and rude. She suggested we go to a dance club. I said, not tonight as it was already 11:30. After mouthing something about she wished she had her own car and some other under her breath words, we got our tab and left. Total bill $70. I had a draft beer and one bottle. Hmm?
We got in the car and she asked if we could stop at the liquor store, She needed wine before the storm hit. Obviously drunk at this point she proceeded to hit on the liquor store clerk in front of me. To make matters worse, I knew the guy. We both looked at each other and shrugged while she tried to no avail to flirt with him. Despite me desire to just leaver her at the liquor store, the nice guy inside me wouldn't let me leave her. So it was off to Wal-mart. She stumbled around with a crumpled up list clutched in her shaky little hand, banging into displays and grabbing the wrong things. Me in tow, the whole time listening to her not so subtle jabs at me for not going dancing.
Once we got back to the car, she was starting to sober up and realized what time it was. She apologized for getting mad and asked if we could get some food. At this point I wanted to look at her and tell her, "Bitch, please!". Nope, stupid nice guy me, takes her to IHOP. She insults the waiter and a few customers downs her coffee and we head home, Thank God.
Because there is ice on her drive and her Wal-Mart booty is heavy, I carry her things in and try to leave. Before I can get out the door, she has indicated that she wants to make out. Hmm, Dilemma, Thy name is Tim., Nice guy that I am I can't refuse her request. So we make out for a bit then I bail.
I send her a text the next day, but no phone call. Sunday afternoon, I get a scathing text questioning why I didn't call her the next day after such an awesome date. Needless to say that was the end of that.
So for all of you who have someone special in your life or for those of you who are content to be alone. I say to you your life is definitely better than mine.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
Reason # 7
Reason #7 why your life is better than mine. Dating Sucks
I realize that it has been a long time since my last post, but I guess I chalk that up to being in a fairly good place in life right now. Kind of hard to blog about how other peoples lives are better than mine if things are going well. Alas, I have found a portion of my life that is definitely not where is should be.
My romantic/dating life SUCKS. There is no other way to say it. I m twice divorced, once by my choice and once against my wishes. At this point and time my dating life doesn't appear to be any more positive than my marriages were.
While I hope that as you read this you can't relate to what I'm posting but can at least share in my misery. In no particular order here are some of the low lights from some of my recent dates:
1. My first date with a woman that I had been instant messaging with was over lunch on a Wednesday afternoon. I had notice that while messaging her responses were very short. Usually one word answers, but even when more than a few words, there was no real substance to any of her responses. I chalked it up to the awkwardness of IMing. Wrong. During the entire meal she maybe said ten words total. I would talk and she would nod her head and give me a yes or no response. To make matters worse, when we got to the restaurant, 10 of her co-workers were at the same restaurant celebrating a birthday. So in addition to talking to myself for 30 minutes, I had a table full of strangers staring at me the entire time we were there. What a freakin disaster
2. Another first date was in Lawrence. We met at the brewery for dinner. In this instance, we had actually talked over the phone. While this woman could hold a decent conversation, she had one of those annoying throat-clearing laughs during every pause in the conversation. Again, I chalked it up to the awkwardness of talking on the phone to a stranger. Figured it would be better in person. Wrong. After a painful dinner that was obviously going nowhere, I thought I would be a decent person and offer to buy her a coffee and walk around Mass St for a bit hoping to salvage the evening. She was game. We found a coffee shop, waited in line, not talking to each other. I paid for our coffees, she took the cup from me looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Well, I'm outta here." End of date.
3. My most recent disappointment didn't even make it to the first date. I have been emailing a very nice woman that recently moved from Hays to Tulsa. Everything seemed to be going well. She agreed to talk over the phone and gave me her number. Trying to do this right, I sent her an email yesterday morning telling her I would call around 7:30. I called and was sent straight to vmail. Three times. Great. About an hour later I got a text from her chastising me for not following through and calling her when I said I would. Basically, she told never mind. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized I had entered her phone number wrong. I was calling someone in a completely different area code. Sometimes I can be so stupid.
So, if you are happily in a relationship, or just happy with you single life, I can say with all sincerity that Your Life is Definitely Better than mine.
On a positive side note. I have actually talked with the person in scenario #3 twice now and we seem to be getting along very well. I am excited to see what the next few months have in store for this.
I realize that it has been a long time since my last post, but I guess I chalk that up to being in a fairly good place in life right now. Kind of hard to blog about how other peoples lives are better than mine if things are going well. Alas, I have found a portion of my life that is definitely not where is should be.
My romantic/dating life SUCKS. There is no other way to say it. I m twice divorced, once by my choice and once against my wishes. At this point and time my dating life doesn't appear to be any more positive than my marriages were.
While I hope that as you read this you can't relate to what I'm posting but can at least share in my misery. In no particular order here are some of the low lights from some of my recent dates:
1. My first date with a woman that I had been instant messaging with was over lunch on a Wednesday afternoon. I had notice that while messaging her responses were very short. Usually one word answers, but even when more than a few words, there was no real substance to any of her responses. I chalked it up to the awkwardness of IMing. Wrong. During the entire meal she maybe said ten words total. I would talk and she would nod her head and give me a yes or no response. To make matters worse, when we got to the restaurant, 10 of her co-workers were at the same restaurant celebrating a birthday. So in addition to talking to myself for 30 minutes, I had a table full of strangers staring at me the entire time we were there. What a freakin disaster
2. Another first date was in Lawrence. We met at the brewery for dinner. In this instance, we had actually talked over the phone. While this woman could hold a decent conversation, she had one of those annoying throat-clearing laughs during every pause in the conversation. Again, I chalked it up to the awkwardness of talking on the phone to a stranger. Figured it would be better in person. Wrong. After a painful dinner that was obviously going nowhere, I thought I would be a decent person and offer to buy her a coffee and walk around Mass St for a bit hoping to salvage the evening. She was game. We found a coffee shop, waited in line, not talking to each other. I paid for our coffees, she took the cup from me looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Well, I'm outta here." End of date.
3. My most recent disappointment didn't even make it to the first date. I have been emailing a very nice woman that recently moved from Hays to Tulsa. Everything seemed to be going well. She agreed to talk over the phone and gave me her number. Trying to do this right, I sent her an email yesterday morning telling her I would call around 7:30. I called and was sent straight to vmail. Three times. Great. About an hour later I got a text from her chastising me for not following through and calling her when I said I would. Basically, she told never mind. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized I had entered her phone number wrong. I was calling someone in a completely different area code. Sometimes I can be so stupid.
So, if you are happily in a relationship, or just happy with you single life, I can say with all sincerity that Your Life is Definitely Better than mine.
On a positive side note. I have actually talked with the person in scenario #3 twice now and we seem to be getting along very well. I am excited to see what the next few months have in store for this.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Timing is everything, or
Reason #6 that your life is better than mine.
It has been a while since my last post. The reason for this is that for the last two weeks or so my life has been pretty good. Nothing outrageous or negative has happened to me. In fact, I was thinking about posting something explaining that despite all of the bad things in my life that I am feeling pretty good about life right now.
Then today reared it's ugly head. I hit the sack early last night so I could be on the road by 6:00 AM for an early review in Winfield. At 1:30 AM I got a call from my daughter asking me to come get her. She was at a sleepover and was not feeling well. So, it was up and across town, back home to sleep for an hour more.
I asked the boys to clean the kitchen while I was gone. Came home to find not one dish had been touched. Only one thing to do, I went on strike. Refused to cook or buy them supper until it was clean and left. Lucky me, my radiator sprung a leak in my "new to me" vehicle. It overheated and died before I could get back home.
I did manage to get it home and let it cool off. Once it was cool I took the cap off so I could fill it and try and see where the leak is. True to form, I dropped the cap inside the engine and am unable to retrieve it.
So in less than twenty-four hours I went from riding high to tired, upset with all three kids and looking at another potential costly vehicle repair. So unless you have hit this trifecta of misery, your life is definitely better than mine,
Reason #6 that your life is better than mine.
It has been a while since my last post. The reason for this is that for the last two weeks or so my life has been pretty good. Nothing outrageous or negative has happened to me. In fact, I was thinking about posting something explaining that despite all of the bad things in my life that I am feeling pretty good about life right now.
Then today reared it's ugly head. I hit the sack early last night so I could be on the road by 6:00 AM for an early review in Winfield. At 1:30 AM I got a call from my daughter asking me to come get her. She was at a sleepover and was not feeling well. So, it was up and across town, back home to sleep for an hour more.
I asked the boys to clean the kitchen while I was gone. Came home to find not one dish had been touched. Only one thing to do, I went on strike. Refused to cook or buy them supper until it was clean and left. Lucky me, my radiator sprung a leak in my "new to me" vehicle. It overheated and died before I could get back home.
I did manage to get it home and let it cool off. Once it was cool I took the cap off so I could fill it and try and see where the leak is. True to form, I dropped the cap inside the engine and am unable to retrieve it.
So in less than twenty-four hours I went from riding high to tired, upset with all three kids and looking at another potential costly vehicle repair. So unless you have hit this trifecta of misery, your life is definitely better than mine,
Friday, May 24, 2013
Reason #5 Why Your Life is Better Than Mine
I used to think that at my age and with all of the stupid mishaps and bad things that have happened to me that nothing could embarrass me. I learned this week that I was wrong.
I just got back from a 4 day work trip to Western Kansas. Three days in Liberal and one in Garden City. On the fourth morning of this exhausting trip I had an experience that I will not soon forget. I checked out of my hotel and was heading to my review when I decided I needed a pick-me-up. I parked my rental car in front of the local Kwik Shop and went in to get an energy drink. Stood in line, paid for my drink and left. So far, so good.
I opened the car door, hopped in and was ready to hit the road. Only, the steering wheel was suddenly up against my knees. Odd. It was at that moment that I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. There was a woman in the passenger seat of my car. No Wait! This wasn't my car. I had hopped into the wrong car. I looked at this poor confused/terrified woman, she looked at me. We were both speechless. After the longest 5 seconds of my life all I managed to say was. "I think I'm in the wrong car." She couldn't even respond. I gracefully opened the door and climbed out of her car and back to my rental, no worse for the wear.
So, unless you can say that you have hopped in a strangers car, and scared some women that you have never met to death, I guess Your Life is Better Than Mine.
I used to think that at my age and with all of the stupid mishaps and bad things that have happened to me that nothing could embarrass me. I learned this week that I was wrong.
I just got back from a 4 day work trip to Western Kansas. Three days in Liberal and one in Garden City. On the fourth morning of this exhausting trip I had an experience that I will not soon forget. I checked out of my hotel and was heading to my review when I decided I needed a pick-me-up. I parked my rental car in front of the local Kwik Shop and went in to get an energy drink. Stood in line, paid for my drink and left. So far, so good.
I opened the car door, hopped in and was ready to hit the road. Only, the steering wheel was suddenly up against my knees. Odd. It was at that moment that I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. There was a woman in the passenger seat of my car. No Wait! This wasn't my car. I had hopped into the wrong car. I looked at this poor confused/terrified woman, she looked at me. We were both speechless. After the longest 5 seconds of my life all I managed to say was. "I think I'm in the wrong car." She couldn't even respond. I gracefully opened the door and climbed out of her car and back to my rental, no worse for the wear.
So, unless you can say that you have hopped in a strangers car, and scared some women that you have never met to death, I guess Your Life is Better Than Mine.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Can you get the flu in the summer?
Reason #4 why your life is better than mine.
Years ago when I graduated college, I got my first real job. I was an account manager for the rent-to-own company Colortyme. For those of you who don't know what an account manager is, it basically means "deliver man" only in dress shoes and a tie. Looking back now, not exactly hitting the big time with the first job. Like any job it had is good moments and of course it bad ones. This is the story of one of the bad ones.
Part of the job description included collections and repossessions. On this particular day, I was charged with the task of repoing a stero system from a nice, but very smelly gentleman. It was mid-July, over 100 degrees and I am wearing a shirt and tie. I knocked on the door and was allowed in to pack up the stereo. The customer did not just smell bad, he was disgusting in general. I noticed that there was dog crap on the couch cushions. Let me repeat that ON THE COUCH CUSHIONS. Ewww! I packed up the stereo and headed for the van as quick as I could. As I was putting the last speaker in the van, Mr. Smelly ran out of the house waving a wad of cash he found in his bedroom. He wanted to pay for the stereo.
As I was writing a receipt for his payment, he got a little bit ahead of himself and reached for the stereo, which was still in the van. In his excitement to grab his stuff he reached across me to get to it. Of course a man of his calibre did not have on a shirt with sleeves. He managed to jam his sticky, sweaty, hairy armpit in my face. And when I say in my face, I mean his pit hairs were tickling my lips and nose. The stench was so foul that I immediately turned away from the van and blew chunks in his yard. Unaware of his own stink, or "nose deaf" as I have heard it referred to, he asked me if I was okay. To which I replied that "I was coming down with the flu". The genius's response was that he never heard of anyone getting the flu in the summer.
I managed to settle myself and started to unpack his stereo, when his dog came running out of the house toward the van. You guessed it. The dog ate my puke. At that point I had enough and told him to unpack it himself and I got in the van and waited for him to get his shit so I could leave.
So, in addition to being crapped on, I have been subjected to the worst smell you can imagine in addition to the sight of an animal eating my vomit. I would dare say that your life is definitely better than mine.
Reason #4 why your life is better than mine.
Years ago when I graduated college, I got my first real job. I was an account manager for the rent-to-own company Colortyme. For those of you who don't know what an account manager is, it basically means "deliver man" only in dress shoes and a tie. Looking back now, not exactly hitting the big time with the first job. Like any job it had is good moments and of course it bad ones. This is the story of one of the bad ones.
Part of the job description included collections and repossessions. On this particular day, I was charged with the task of repoing a stero system from a nice, but very smelly gentleman. It was mid-July, over 100 degrees and I am wearing a shirt and tie. I knocked on the door and was allowed in to pack up the stereo. The customer did not just smell bad, he was disgusting in general. I noticed that there was dog crap on the couch cushions. Let me repeat that ON THE COUCH CUSHIONS. Ewww! I packed up the stereo and headed for the van as quick as I could. As I was putting the last speaker in the van, Mr. Smelly ran out of the house waving a wad of cash he found in his bedroom. He wanted to pay for the stereo.
As I was writing a receipt for his payment, he got a little bit ahead of himself and reached for the stereo, which was still in the van. In his excitement to grab his stuff he reached across me to get to it. Of course a man of his calibre did not have on a shirt with sleeves. He managed to jam his sticky, sweaty, hairy armpit in my face. And when I say in my face, I mean his pit hairs were tickling my lips and nose. The stench was so foul that I immediately turned away from the van and blew chunks in his yard. Unaware of his own stink, or "nose deaf" as I have heard it referred to, he asked me if I was okay. To which I replied that "I was coming down with the flu". The genius's response was that he never heard of anyone getting the flu in the summer.
I managed to settle myself and started to unpack his stereo, when his dog came running out of the house toward the van. You guessed it. The dog ate my puke. At that point I had enough and told him to unpack it himself and I got in the van and waited for him to get his shit so I could leave.
So, in addition to being crapped on, I have been subjected to the worst smell you can imagine in addition to the sight of an animal eating my vomit. I would dare say that your life is definitely better than mine.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Money, what money?
Reason #3 Your life is better than mine.
Money, what money?
Let me start this post with a disclaimer. I am in no way, shape or form, saying that I disagree with paying child support, or that I am angry with my ex-wife because of the child support I pay. I have the utmost respect for her and all single mothers. They are my kids and I will pay whatever is necessary to ensure that they are cared for. This post is not a political statement or bitch session. It is nothing more than an attempt to laugh at my own horrible financial situation. Feel free to laugh along with me.
Here goes.
Last night I was celebrating my son's 16th birthday with the family when it donned on me just how broke I am at this stage of my life. As my son left the restaurant and walked to the car, birthday cash in hand, he officially had more money in his pocket than I had in my bank account. For a brief moment, visions of jumping him in the parking lot and taking his money popped into my head. Alas, I had no ski mask and I think he would have figured out it was me.
Since that moment, I have been reflecting on my financial situation. I am a smart, educated 44 year old man with a good paying job yet if someone were to glance at my bank statements and financial history they would confuse me with a young college kid with a crappy part-time job, and no real prospect for the immediate future. In some ways, I am reliving the college experience. I live in a two bedroom apartment, that is barely big enough to house me and the kids on the weekends. My car is older than my oldest son. If my paycheck actually makes it all the way through the pay period it is somewhat of a small miracle and my diet consists of pasta, potatoes and frozen dinners.
Things are so bleak, that I once told the boys that my plan was to save up a little bit of money so I could buy a new car for me and give them mine. GIVE, not sell. The response I received was a less than enthusiastic "Uh, That's okay Dad." The sad part is that I wasn't mad at them. Hard to be made, when you get it.
I can't get a part-time job because I travel for work. So, I am in a holding pattern for the next year until child support starts to drop off the books. I have made it this long, so I guess another year of leftovers and free DVD rentals from the library wont kill me.
In conclusion, if you have two nickles to rub together and don't have to count your change before you decide whether or not to get the large fries with that, then your life is definitely better than mine. And, Oh by the way. Can I borrow some money.
Money, what money?
Let me start this post with a disclaimer. I am in no way, shape or form, saying that I disagree with paying child support, or that I am angry with my ex-wife because of the child support I pay. I have the utmost respect for her and all single mothers. They are my kids and I will pay whatever is necessary to ensure that they are cared for. This post is not a political statement or bitch session. It is nothing more than an attempt to laugh at my own horrible financial situation. Feel free to laugh along with me.
Here goes.
Last night I was celebrating my son's 16th birthday with the family when it donned on me just how broke I am at this stage of my life. As my son left the restaurant and walked to the car, birthday cash in hand, he officially had more money in his pocket than I had in my bank account. For a brief moment, visions of jumping him in the parking lot and taking his money popped into my head. Alas, I had no ski mask and I think he would have figured out it was me.
Since that moment, I have been reflecting on my financial situation. I am a smart, educated 44 year old man with a good paying job yet if someone were to glance at my bank statements and financial history they would confuse me with a young college kid with a crappy part-time job, and no real prospect for the immediate future. In some ways, I am reliving the college experience. I live in a two bedroom apartment, that is barely big enough to house me and the kids on the weekends. My car is older than my oldest son. If my paycheck actually makes it all the way through the pay period it is somewhat of a small miracle and my diet consists of pasta, potatoes and frozen dinners.
Things are so bleak, that I once told the boys that my plan was to save up a little bit of money so I could buy a new car for me and give them mine. GIVE, not sell. The response I received was a less than enthusiastic "Uh, That's okay Dad." The sad part is that I wasn't mad at them. Hard to be made, when you get it.
I can't get a part-time job because I travel for work. So, I am in a holding pattern for the next year until child support starts to drop off the books. I have made it this long, so I guess another year of leftovers and free DVD rentals from the library wont kill me.
In conclusion, if you have two nickles to rub together and don't have to count your change before you decide whether or not to get the large fries with that, then your life is definitely better than mine. And, Oh by the way. Can I borrow some money.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Always lock the bathroom door
Reason #2 Your life is better than mine
For those of you that have kids, you know that they are the greatest blessing that you could ever hope for. They can also be a tremendous pain in the neck. Reason #2 that your life is better than mine is a prime example of just what a pain kids can be.
Last summer my kids and I were visiting my parents at their home. We did the typical dinner and games around the table, nothing terrible exciting. My middle child, Tyler, (14 years old) decided that since I would not give in to his demands and let us leave, that he would mess with me non-stop. I sought refuge in the one place I thought even he wouldn't dare follow. The bathroom.
I went to the restroom to get away from Tyler and to take care of lunch. My mistake was not locking the door. A few minute after "sitting down" the door burst open and in came Tyler. I was trapped in a tiny bathroom, stuck on the throne. Tyler proceeded to turn away from me, drop his drawers and stick his pale rear end in my face in an attempt to fart on me..
Enough was enough, I got mad, curled up my fist and punched his butt as hard as I could. A little too hard unfortunately. The force of my blow caused his bowels to release and he covered my arm and part of my bare leg with a warm blast of poo. The combination of the sight and smell of poo on my bare skin coupled with the sheer shock of the moment, caused me to throw up. I managed to turn my head and puke in the bathtub next to me. The sight of me covered in poo, puking made Tyler sick and he puked on me. So there I sit, drenched in a quagmire of body waste. Not exactly the way I wanted to end a nice visit with my parents.
So, unless you can say that you have been crapped and puked on by a 14 year old boy while stranded on the toilet, I say to you, Your Life is Definitely Better Than Mine!
For those of you that have kids, you know that they are the greatest blessing that you could ever hope for. They can also be a tremendous pain in the neck. Reason #2 that your life is better than mine is a prime example of just what a pain kids can be.
Last summer my kids and I were visiting my parents at their home. We did the typical dinner and games around the table, nothing terrible exciting. My middle child, Tyler, (14 years old) decided that since I would not give in to his demands and let us leave, that he would mess with me non-stop. I sought refuge in the one place I thought even he wouldn't dare follow. The bathroom.
I went to the restroom to get away from Tyler and to take care of lunch. My mistake was not locking the door. A few minute after "sitting down" the door burst open and in came Tyler. I was trapped in a tiny bathroom, stuck on the throne. Tyler proceeded to turn away from me, drop his drawers and stick his pale rear end in my face in an attempt to fart on me..
Enough was enough, I got mad, curled up my fist and punched his butt as hard as I could. A little too hard unfortunately. The force of my blow caused his bowels to release and he covered my arm and part of my bare leg with a warm blast of poo. The combination of the sight and smell of poo on my bare skin coupled with the sheer shock of the moment, caused me to throw up. I managed to turn my head and puke in the bathtub next to me. The sight of me covered in poo, puking made Tyler sick and he puked on me. So there I sit, drenched in a quagmire of body waste. Not exactly the way I wanted to end a nice visit with my parents.
So, unless you can say that you have been crapped and puked on by a 14 year old boy while stranded on the toilet, I say to you, Your Life is Definitely Better Than Mine!
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